DEC 14TH 
Have you ever seen the movie “Monsters Inc.”?
It’s a cute animated Disney film about Big Scary Monsters. All day long they go through magical doors, each leading into a bedroom of a young child sleeping at night, and the monster’s job is to scare the shit out of that kid and extract screams for money.
That’s very much like the life of a lawyer. He goes about his work day, new situations come up, he gets involved and scares some people, he gets paid. The better he is at scaring people, the better paid he is. I’m not attacking lawyers for doing their job, everyone’s got to eat and earn a living. I just want to show you how best to deal with him.
You have to understand this fundamentally: When someone hires a lawyer to threaten you, he’s not hiring someone to figure out the legal matters involved, he’s hiring someone to threaten you. Crushing you and making you bend is the first priority, the law is just a tool.
In earlier times, when a dispute arose you would hire some muscle, or even a hit man to take care of it. In civil society we hire attorneys. They are the modern day muscle men. Unfortunately the law is often unjust or unclear and attorneys are therefore able to exact injustice, sometimes terrible injustice, on behalf of their clients.
“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it.” George Bernard Shaw
THE APPROACH: After a busy day scaring people, when a monster enters your bedroom to scare you, you need to scare HIM. He should open the door, step inside, THEN you close the door, lock it, terrify the living shit out of him until the monster begs you to let him out.
A threatening attorney must be made to realize that his life is much better returned to intimidating average people. He should want nothing to do with you. You are the pig who enjoys getting dirty. When your name is mentioned to him, it should trigger a recurring nightmare and sudden stomach pain.
That’s my approach anyway. And it’s worked well for me.
Back in the glory days of my career as a Commercial Real Estate Broker, I would receive a very threatening attorney letter at least once a month CONTINUE READING >>
UPDATE: This article has spread like crazy, but I’m not sure how I feel about the most often quoted line being “eat shit and go fuck yourself”. This is not at all how I normally conduct business and deal with people. ONLY with people already attacking and trying to strong arm me. Virtually all of my business interactions are extremely cooperative and I go out of my way to resolve disputes fairly. A great counterpoint to this article and demonstration of how to resolve normal disputes is in my article lovingly titled How to handle Neighbors Pissed Off over a Crazy Late Night Party. It’s a fun read, and it’ll better prepare you for normal conflict resolution.
UPDATE 2: On a serious note, to get a better sense of how serious and pervasive the problem of Legal Abuse is, please read any story from this excellent site:
Faces Of Lawsuit Abuse